Dear Diary

J and K

2009-11-05T20:02:50Z

i miss my bestfried jackiee nonis
i havent seen her in so long, well yea,
ive seen her recently, but like we used to see a whole lot of each other,
but now i only see her once or twice a week,
it used to be 5 times a week, shes got work, i hardly come out,
we should do something about that korea! i miss you. i wanna have those
chats, the random ones,

i miss my other bff KRYSTAL,
shes got her o's so i dont really get to see her often,
i used to see a whole lot of her as well, now its just for and hour or two outside
church, then she rushes off to study): i dont blame her, its o's man,

i miss the times at starbucks, all we need is our Csticks, vanilla frap/caramel mach,
bagel at times and updates or random chats,

:)

2009-11-05T16:20:55Z

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY
SHERILYN ANNE
CHIA

do i seem familiar, i've crossed in hallways a thousand times,

2009-11-05T05:58:06Z

the weather these days is damn good, its begining to feel alot like
christmas, i think the only thing that would get me in the christmas mood
is watching home alone 2: lost in new york, speaking of christmas mood,
mum started the decor and playing christmas music alr. early much?
anyways, i feel so comfy, im still in my jammies, so comfortable, watching
one tree hill season 4, almost done with it alr. wonder whats in store for
season 5 and 6

i guess im not heading to the docs today,

Have you ever had a dream that was so real
When you woke up you didn't know what to believe
What would you do if what you thought was true, wasnt
or what you thought wasnt true, was,

maybes, perhaps', i dont knows,

2009-11-04T18:56:08Z

so one tree has got me so involved in it, i freaggin dreamt of it last night,
i shall not get into that, got up at 3 today, bummed at home, got an interview on friday
for a reastaurant opening in december at suntec, if i do get it, christmas is like so
screwed for me ah, but the thing is, i wanna get a job in november so i can buy
CHRISTMAS PRESENTS. was talking to nique about it ytd, and im panicking. start
saving up trace, other than that, today was a boring day,

Tmr
Doctors
Friday
Interview at Great World
Marieann's Birthday Celebration
Saturday
Movie with Santa

Someone once told me
"Your i love you's sends people to the grave"
I replied
"Well in that case I LOVE YOU"

5ive 4ourty 1ne peee em,

2009-11-04T10:41:52Z

there are moments in our lives,
that we find ourselves at crossroads,
afraid, confused, without a roadmap,
the choices we make in those moments,
can define the rest of our days,
apart from faced with the unknown,
most of us prefer to turn around and pull back,
but once in awhile, people push on to something better,
something found just beyond the pain of going it alone,
and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in,
or to give someone a second chance,
something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream,
because its only when your tested, that you discover who you truely are,
and its only when your tested, that you discover who you can be,
the person you wanna be, does exist,
somewhere on the other side of truth and believe
and beyond the heartache and fear of what lies ahead,

DIABETES

2009-11-03T19:47:23Z

i think i have diabetes, i was talking to jac just now, it lead from death to sickness, thats when it got me fucking scared
i may have diabetes,

These are the symptoms that i posses
Type 1 Diabetes

Frequent urination
Unusual thirst
Extreme hunger
Extreme fatigue and Irritability

Type 2 Diabetes

Any of the type 1 symptoms
Blurred vision
Cuts/bruises that are slow to heal
Tingling/numbness in the hands/feet
Recurring skin, gum, or bladder infections

i need to go to the doctor. and soon.

and that someone will find you

2009-11-03T16:24:09Z

But if you look closer, you might see someone like you
    Someone trying to find their way
       Someone trying to find their place
          Someone trying to find their self
            Whos struggling, whos frustrated or unsatisfied or barely getting by,
               And that feeling is a lie, if you just hold on, just find the courage to
                   Face it all for another day, someone or something, will find you and
                      Make it all okay, because we all need a little help sometimes,
                         Someone to help us or to remind us that it wont always
                            Be this way, that someone is out there, and that someone will find you

leave me with some proof that its not a dream

2009-11-03T15:03:41Z

denise came over, then got showered, goyt changed and headed off to tamp,
had chicken rice, then talked about secondary school, how we were close,
but not as close as now and trying to think back on how we got close, buttt,
one thing i remember clearly, was how we became friends in sec 1
one day, during cpa, i sat next to her, then i did not know how to do something
so i asked her, then the next day, she walked into class, and a classmate said
"eh tracy, your computer friend is here" then i said "eh hi, thanks for ytd" and that was
how tracy and denise became friends, haha, so anyways, went to coffee bean,
larve came, then tash, then wayne, then gavin hung there from 5 - 8 then
came home, ouh, had my fried mushroom today, was damn happy,

she lent me season 4-6 of One Tree Hill,
i ruv you denise(:
yezzzzzzza.
where the lines overlap

staying up late

2009-11-02T20:35:26Z

its 4.25 and i cannot sleep. i tried. but i just cant. and honestly
i dont want to. i just dont feel like sleeping. maybe in a couple
hours or after a couple of movies, i think i am suffering from
insomnia or like what jac said, my sleeping clock is screwed
up. morning is night, night is morning, afternoon is still
afternoon. i should start sleeping early, if not... next year,
jialat, late for school everyday, tiong bahru man the school.
thank god it starts at 12 everyday,

movie marathons and midnight snacks.
i like.

standard routine every night
#1 Call denise
#2 Switch on the laptop
#3 Sign in Msn
#4 Webcam with denise
#5 Sign in Facebook
#6 Blog
#7 Movie Marathon while binging on snacks
stumbled upon in the pantry

i feel no sympathy

i miss our conversations too,

2009-11-02T14:34:01Z

yesterday, i din make it for mass, was chit chatting with mum till i lost track of the time, so next week confession i guess, and sorry gavin, was supposed to go with him, showered, a.julie, u.geraldo, marie, zach, a.michelle and u.cyril came, dinner mummys home made chicken rice, mmm, yummy, then chit chatting, omgg, u.geraldo was telling us stories of when they were young, mum was a cry baby, haha, nice, they were real rascals, and their fun then and our fun now, is totally different, but it sounds quite eggxciting, everyone left at about 12.10, cleaned my room, like my drawers and stuff, slept at 4.50am

today was very chill, got up at 1, got showered and stuff, went downstairs, breakfast, hung in the garden with the boys, they were swimming, hung in the living room, watched rachel ray, then went up, cause i really wanted to catch up on my prison break, and it was so hot, switched on the air-con, but it was fucking dusty inside, so it was like the air-con wasnt even on, so i cleaned the air-con, and i got wet whiles washing the vents, went to shower, and now im FREEZING. the air-con is at 22 and im freezing, im wearing my pajama pants, popeye t-shirt and a nice huge PINK pullover, and im under the covers, shiok sia. haha. OH and i changed my sheets tooo. yummy new fresh sheets! waiting for denise to get home and shower, then can websters with her(:

i hate to say it but i told you so,
told you if you left that you were
gon be miserable

misguided ghost

2009-11-01T07:40:25Z

Its is 3.12 pm, i got up an hour ago. yesterday was the best halloween by far, lemme break it down for you. went to janelles place, metjackiee, denise, julaihah and janelle of course,
got dressed up, made up, and it was time to hit the road, nique was waiting, walked to the busstop, people just kept staring, in our heads, "fuck that, its halloween, we are allowed to look
like this" so we got on 9, met nicolas, got off at ep, butttt, it was raining lika bitch, so, we obviously did not wanna get wet, so we took another 9 to tanah merah, got shelter, then met nique, headed to CQ, there, met jerica and maurice, helmy, daryl and gladys, had bk, then king came, made helmy and king up, TRANNY CORE SIA!

*this is what happens when you dont dress up and
go out with a bunch of enthusiastic people on halloween.
then headed to mama's carribean bar, *kang and gang came.
hung out there for abit, left ard 11 ish?me, janelle, julaihah, king, kang, irwan and maurice headed back to tamp, janelle's area, me and janelle went up to herplace, the rest went to eat, we showered, then went back down to meet them, irwan left, jackiee came back, hung out, then some smart fella came up with a bright idea to play left for dead, smart sia, kena walk to tmart, quang quang quang, shop closed, janelle said the old owner, the shop was 24 hours, but this new owner only till 1, glory for me, since i hate all this sheet. left at about 7, got home, slept, cheebsters, could not wake up for church, gotta go for evening mass,
me - witch
jackiee - drag queen turn ANITA SARAWAK
juliahah -zombie
denise - mental patient
nique - masquerade
janelle - fairy
jerica and gladys - themselves
helmy and king - tranny
daryl - harry potter
nicolas - emo boy
maurice - army boy

all i wanted was you

2009-10-30T15:16:14Z

hung out with jac at suntec and millenia walk,
hung out with jac, wayne and tash at lido, McCafe`
that might just be our new lepak place, it used to be starbucks tamp,
but i think it might just change to McCafe` at lido. i honestly hope it doesnt,
travel all the way to town just to leps everyday, abit the lame doncha think, once in awhile is fine,
i want the good ol' starbucks days back, hopefully when tash and krystal are done with their o's, just
sit at starbucks from like 12 - 7 just chilling seems lame, but its awesome, dang, haven't done that in a long time:(
it sure will bring memories back, good and bad ones, oh wells, oh my word, HALLOWEEN is like in a couple of minutes,

the darkest souls are not those which choose
to exist within the hell of the abyss, but those
which choose to break free from the abyss
and move silently among us,

i know what they say, about all good things, but will they come to and end?

2009-10-29T16:03:55Z

Monday - went down to pasir ris to meet jac. studied. headed to clementi for my exam. i was 1 and a half hours early. nabsters. killed time by studying, then went up to class. after the exam, tooka cab down to pasir ris again, met jac and shane. dinner with jac,
home.

Tuesday - denise came over. lunch at changi v, leps, chit chatted. then to school, after school, tooka train down to eunos, met janelle, took 28 back to n2, bought macs, went to the blk and lepsed,
home.

Wednesday - went to erc with mummy, im gonna start there next year, yezzzza. then home, and to school, did my accounts paper, ciaoed, went to t1, met nique and daryl, helmy and gladys came later on,

Thursday - took snoopy for a walk to Changi Beach for awhile. leps there. took in the nice fresh air. it felt really good. just time for myself.

Now I’m pulling to your gravity
Spinning helplessly
I’m falling through the night
Like a lonely satellite

after everything has changed,

2009-10-25T13:39:25Z

saturday - hung with jackiee, denise, sarah, king, irwan and nicolas at lido mccafe` then headed to the skate park, kang, maxine and krystal came, sarah stayed over,

sunday - hung out at church with jackiee, krystal, wayne and racheal,

Monday - Science
Tuesday - Science
Wednesday - Principle of Accounts

Straight through my heart , a single bullet got me
I can't stop the bleeding, straight through my heart
You aimed and you shot me
I just can't believe it
Straight through my heart

Because none of it was ever worth the risk,

2009-10-23T18:34:10Z

i slept in today, i woke up a couple of times, but woke up at 3pm for real,
i lost my fucking cable for my stupid itouch, sheet,
so im left with my old boring songs, suck brick.
im watching CHILDS PLAY. suddenly felt a little nostalgic,
when i was watching it, i remembered when we were young,
mummy used to buy for me and nicole, tv food, just put it in the microwave for
a couple of minutes and its done, mac n cheese with a brownie and blue icing syrup on top,
mmm, yummmmmmmee, after our shower on saturdays, we used to jump on the sofa, eat and watch
- childs play
- nightmare on elm street
- friday the 13th
the good ol' days, i miss it,

but darlin, you are the only exception,

bee ai tee see hech

2009-10-22T20:37:37Z

3 papers down
3 to go
Science Paper 1
Science Paper 2
Principle of Accounts

anyways, went down to town to go pay jackiee a visit. met her and denise at far east.
then headed to school. did my math paper. wah, jialat,

shan and rozz are fucking adorable ah,

love isn't love, till its given away,

2009-10-20T19:55:52Z

Wandering the streets, in a world underneath it all
Nothing seems to be, nothing tastes as sweet
As what I can't have
Tonight I'm not afraid to tell you
What I feel about you.
Shout out your name so it echos in every room
That's what I'd do, that's what I'd do to get through to you

and i will never let you go,

2009-10-19T12:55:30Z

thursday - hung out with jac and denise in dhoby ghaut and bugis.

friday - *kings back! stayed at janelles place

saturday - met jaccheang at her place at about 10pm, then headed to sentosa. lepsed at palawan with jackiee and crew. got home ard 7am,

sunday - met dernise, janelle and tash at coffee bean.

today - jac came over. studied.

woke up today and realised the date. 19 OCTOBER
2009, in my heart i was thinking DIE. isnt my exams this week? rumage through my books for my entry proof. there it was. staring at me. the dates of my exams.
20th. 21st. 22nd. 26th. 27th. 28th.
i am feeling very flustered right now. my exams are this week and the following. and im not even ready.
too late to worry now huh? nevermind. try to burn the midnight oil.

cause everybody tries to put some love on the line,
and everybody feels a broken heart sometimes,
even when im scared i have to try to fly,
sometimes, i fall, but ive seen it done before,
i have to step outside these walls.

i dont wanna be without you,

2009-10-14T23:44:55Z

denise and jackiee came over yesterday.
went to changi v for lunch,
back, planned for the HALLOWEEN PARTAY!
watched idiots making themselves look like fools on youtube.

its 7.43 am and im prison breaking season 3.

this aint burger king, you cant always have it your way,

2009-10-13T19:18:12Z

hung out in town today with jac, denise and larve,
job hunted. got interviewed. was quite fun. then larve left, we headed to
tampines to meet gavin and farrel.

right now i am craving for the fried mushroom from century

dont wanna share you, no

2009-10-12T16:12:26Z

went to IKEA with denise, melissa, larve and nasrul their classmate.
walked around denise was getting all hyper and annoying the shits outta me.
but anyways, was fun, omgggg. there is so much i wanna get for IK's,
desk,

lamps,

candles,
and

bed,

sliding door cupboard,

chair,

or

rugs,

i miss going to ikea with mummy, we'd spend like a million hours there.

OBER DERE!

2009-10-10T12:50:42Z

hung out with jackiee at starbucks, had chippies. did abit of work, laughed, hunted, kacaued, taught,
then to krystals place. was heeeelarioius

tracy*shows picture of nicholas hault(tony from skins) to krystal
krystal: whos that?
tracy: nicholaus hault from skins?
krystal: is skins a band?
tracy: WHAT THE EFF its a series.
krystal: ya what, im supposed to know.

she walked me out to the busstop,
*vietnamese workers ride pass, stare,
krystal: eh he quite cute ah
tracy: im so gon blog about this ah! they are contruction workers dude, wth,
krystal: hes malay la.
tracy: whatthehell. he had CW written all over his face.
krystal: NO NO NO
tracy: okay krystal -_-

home now and gonna finish up sex and city

if you could see these tears im crying
touch these hands that cant stop shaking
hear my heart thats barely beating

fall asleep, dont fall asleep,

2009-10-09T15:37:21Z

hung out with mummy today at tamp, bought new stuff, which means, i gotta get a new cupboard, this boring old small one is driving me NUTS!
anyways, DENISE IS BACK! Webby here we come!
studying with jac and tash tmr,

there's a message in the wires
and im sending you a signal tonight,

start of something you

2009-10-08T17:15:44Z

omgggg. you guys shoudl really watch this vid.
gma wants to learn ENGLISH!
heeelarious.

back to life,
went to townny to meet jackie, job hunted, a little, then back to tamp, met julaihah and aiman.

Skipping beats,
Blushing cheeks.
I am struggling
Daydreaming,
And then I'm left in bits
recovering tectonic, tremblings
You get me every time.

till our day is gone,

2009-10-07T19:31:57Z

stayed at home today, or should i say yesterday -_- caught up on some studying, exams are drawing near, the thing is, im not continueing the stupid private o thingy, but i stilll gotta study, if not i'll get a blasting from mum, i can just imaging what she will say,
tracy: mummy, i failed
mum: ya la. party party party what, ton ton ton what. how to pass like that?
you wasted one whole year of just fucking partying, -_- no more ah, you understand me, NO MORE. so im muggin' hard now.
heading to town tmr with jackiee and alisha. the job hunt begins,
and prolly meeting janelle, julaihah and amir in the evening at tamp starucks,
looking forward to it (:

You’re pushing me out
You’re pushing me when all I do is not enough
All I do is not enough for you
You’ve pushed me down
You’ve pushed me,
Well I’ll try and I’ll try again
I’ll try and I’ll try again for you

This distance won’t keep your words from screaming my name
If I could keep you out
If I could keep you.